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Top 5 Things Videogames Have Taught Me Never to Do

1up.com — On the heels of the infinitely more useful 5 Things I've Learned From Videogames, I thought I'd do a rundown of their five least helpful lessons. If I took these to heart I've never leave the house.

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  • spunkinator, on 11/18/2008, -4/+476. Never leave the house.
  • GamingForever, on 11/18/2008, -0/+13And yet I just picked up a weapon the other day while I traveled the land.
    • josepablos, on 11/19/2008, -5/+1Really. How its Feel
    • hello3u, on 11/19/2008, -0/+13Raped by demons yet?
    • jattea, on 11/19/2008, -0/+10I picked up a gun the other day, but I already HAD the same gun, so the new gun just turned into ammo. Cool!
  • tawnos, on 11/19/2008, -4/+537. Pick up anything. Even if you don't have a use for it at the current time.
  • spenner, on 11/19/2008, -0/+328. Fall in love with Princesses. Especially if you are a plumber. Way too needy
    • oboredone, on 11/19/2008, -0/+1Too late for me..
    • zackkitzmiller, on 11/19/2008, -0/+6Ask if the princess is home before conquering a castle.
  • veryfishy, on 11/19/2008, -17/+1Excellent, another cack Top 5 list. I've been waiting all day.
  • duewydo, on 11/19/2008, -3/+5Not sure about #4, Pick up weapons... Aside from gaming, I couldn’t ever see that turning out in some ones favor.
    • brsteve88, on 11/20/2008, -0/+2Yeah, that's why this list is about NOT doing those things.
  • jhandfield, on 11/19/2008, -0/+10With regards to #3, be careful about crossing bridges, too; the bunnies and squirrels that are being little more than a nuisance on one side will likely, while looking the same or just a slightly different color, be capable of taking your head off in one swift movement.
  • leif777, on 11/19/2008, -1/+489. If you beat up the hooker you just had sex with you get your money back with no repercussions... well, unless a cop sees you but then you can just drive away really fast and he'll forget about you.
  • Mpwns, on 11/19/2008, -10/+39. rock band does not mean you are in a band.
    • TJMcWhiskers, on 11/19/2008, -0/+3Is there a sudden onslaught of nerdy dudes and grungy chicks feeling entitled to record contracts, playing sold out concerts and immense popularity because of Rock Band? If so, I totally agree. ***** THOSE ASSHOLES!
      • Mpwns, on 11/19/2008, -3/+1well Ive heard of rock band tournaments and been to a house party were one took place.
      • TJMcWhiskers, on 11/19/2008, -0/+3and they were under the impression they were a real band, not playing a video game?
  • spect3r, on 11/19/2008, -0/+2It's killing me, what is the game shown in #3??
    • TheUngod, on 11/19/2008, -4/+1FF6 most likely
    • Drycz, on 11/19/2008, -5/+0Chrono Trigger
    • TheHayze, on 11/19/2008, -0/+4Looks a bit like FF4, or 5, actually. FF6 looks nothing like that.
      • Griminald, on 11/19/2008, -0/+5That's Cecil on the screen, so it's FF4.

        Cookie for you.
    • Drycz, on 11/19/2008, -4/+0OK I was way off with Chrono Trigger, after looking at it again it does look like Final Fantasy V.
    • devin_mm, on 11/19/2008, -0/+8It's FFIV for sure, it could be castle Baron
      no dispute
    • lennybird, on 11/19/2008, -1/+1"A Fiery Tale," for Sega Genesis?
    • TheObviousChild, on 11/19/2008, -1/+2Crysis?
    • NathanielJ, on 11/19/2008, -1/+1Not only is it FF4, but it's a screenshot of the very first time you see the overworld in FF4. Come on guys.
    • coyote1284, on 11/20/2008, -0/+1BattleToads
  • valkyries, on 11/19/2008, -0/+50dont go through ravenholm
    • SuperVepr308, on 11/19/2008, -0/+6Amen brother! My flock has gone astray.
    • MikeWanDo, on 11/19/2008, -0/+11"We don't go to Ravenholm..."
    • TheObviousChild, on 11/19/2008, -0/+1I ***** hate that place.
    • pjsk8, on 11/29/2008, -0/+1unless you've got a gravity gun and a bunch of blades
  • TheUngod, on 11/19/2008, -1/+7210. Don't eat until you're hurt. Eating is not necessary unless you're bleeding, in which case it will heal you immediately.
    • TheUngod, on 11/19/2008, -0/+11and on that note, a bottle of water or tonic does very little, while drinking from a random spring you find will heal you completely.
  • threemagic, on 11/19/2008, -10/+1Should have taught you not to make lame lists..
  • babyheadout, on 11/19/2008, -1/+11They taught me to never avenge my father's death because I'm too preoccupied with getting gumball machine prizes, playing arcade games, darts & pool, and asking for sailors.
  • plainOldFool, on 11/19/2008, -0/+2Adventure (aka, attack of the giant killer ducks) FTW!!!!
  • wolfing, on 11/19/2008, -0/+4I would have added something to the age point. After 20 you have the option of moving to the West, and you'll have the option of saving the world, or not, you can just run around the world doing whatever the hell you want, the end of the world will gladly wait for whenever you decide to save it.
  • BoonTobias, on 11/19/2008, -7/+1don't ever play gaylo
  • Rockkybox, on 11/19/2008, -0/+3Death can sometimes be without consequence, so use this to your advantage by running forward and sacrificing yourself to find the lie of the land
  • Seanmu13, on 11/19/2008, -0/+16Come to America to visit your cousin Roman
    • SuperVepr308, on 11/19/2008, -0/+9and always rob banks with Irishmen.
  • TheKorn2, on 11/19/2008, -0/+5Don't come in second, it'll cost you another token.
  • DetpackJump, on 11/19/2008, -0/+26Never shoot a barrel within 20 feet of me.
  • Griminald, on 11/19/2008, -0/+21I can't believe it -- today I've seen two Top X articles that only took up one page.

    Digg for you, 1UP.

    I like the aging bit... not easy to find an RPG with a hero(ine) who can legally drink in the US. Then again, many of these games are made overseas. At 27 my role would probably be the "well-respected marginally popular soldier who dies in the line of duty to illustrate how bad the evil really is"
  • jehan60188, on 11/19/2008, -0/+3"If you've played pretty much any videogame ever and persist in aging you're an idiot who deserves whatever happens."

    awesome
    awesome to the max
  • Sornos, on 11/19/2008, -2/+6#Whatever number we 're at now
    Red barrels. Don't look at them, approach them, or even think anything more than pleasant thoughts their way because if you so much as knock one over they will explode and kill you and your family.
  • oboshoe, on 11/19/2008, -1/+1Dugg for Atari 2600 Adventure screen (or was it called gauntlet, dam i can't remember now)
  • wakingrufus, on 11/19/2008, -0/+1they should have also cited "chrono trigger" in #5
  • Spicymove, on 11/19/2008, -1/+6Masturbate with the door open?
  • kakifry, on 11/19/2008, -2/+1Like... play video games. Come on people let's clean up our act!
  • SwordofKahless, on 11/19/2008, -1/+2#11. Always run from spawn point to avoid 203 spam.
  • xQlusive, on 11/19/2008, -0/+1cool, world of warcraft taught me to not underestimate short people (gnomes) :D
  • s10stealth, on 11/19/2008, -0/+0If video games are to blame for criminal activites and bad kids, then we'd all be eating white dots and running from colored ghosts.
  • SuperVepr308, on 11/19/2008, -1/+2#12 Just about every apocalypse is caused by science gone amuck.
  • tekproxy, on 11/19/2008, -0/+1Heros should get older as the gamer generation ages and wants to see games where we're badass. I believe John-117 to be around my age (22), correct me if I'm wrong.
    • brsteve88, on 11/20/2008, -0/+1Not even close, he's actually in his forties. But it doesn't matter since we don't even know what he looks like. So why not 22?
  • 3leggedHorse, on 11/19/2008, -0/+4#13 Listen to Jack Thompson.
  • TalkGibberish, on 11/19/2008, -0/+2#14 Shoot barrels
  • JargonScott, on 11/19/2008, -0/+1No more do I swing over crocodile infested swamps on vines.
  • santiago1, on 11/19/2008, -0/+1 Always carry a crowbar.
  • Rudegar, on 11/19/2008, -3/+1#14 in more cases then drinking fluid you find in containers randomly is beneficial
  • EnvisionThis, on 11/19/2008, -0/+1Never eat mushrooms

    http://www.entertonement.com/clips/30243/Mario/Sup ...
  • Merkidemis, on 11/19/2008, -0/+1Never attack someone who is glowing or has a personal wind. Unless of course you have a sword that is on fire, then go right ahead.
  • reqage, on 11/19/2008, -0/+1Never walk/run in the open or you'll be sniped.
  • Cathartik, on 11/19/2008, -5/+2Jack Thompson:

    1. Shoot up your high school.
    2. Shoot up your high school.
    3. Shoot up your high school.
    4. Shoot up your high school.
    5. Shoot up your high school.
  • browe07, on 11/19/2008, -0/+2I remember a few things I had learned when I played America's Army.

    1. Don't ever join the army. You will die often.
    2. The other guys are always the terrorists.
    3. Saving your friend's life would be great, but ultimately not worth going to class and learning how.
  • FFXIfrohike, on 11/20/2008, -0/+1If AI comes into existence, never ever piss it off.
  • CoffeeZombie, on 11/20/2008, -0/+3Never wander around in the dark, you are likely to be eaten by a grue.
  • IIECONII, on 11/20/2008, -0/+2Don't drink the water even though it heals you.

    It's radioactive.
  • MonkeyNacho, on 11/20/2008, -0/+1It's so true about the townspeople with dumb problems. Never have I had to go get stem cells for a kid with leukemia. Instead, the little bastard wants me to get his ball.
  • coyote1284, on 11/20/2008, -0/+1If your plane crashes in the middle of the ocean and there is a tower sticking out of the water, for the sake of your sanity STAY IN THE WATER and wait for rescue. Failing that, just stay in the first room, DO NOT take the elevator.
  • XliamX, on 11/20/2008, -0/+0#15 pay attention
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